I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
