You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
