dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
