Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
