Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
