i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
