Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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