Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
