I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Randomize
