We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
