Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
