These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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