I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
