If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
