Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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