It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
