Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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