i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
