I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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