I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You can't special order awesome
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
