Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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