How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
