Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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