Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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