Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The adults are the big ones right?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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