It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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