Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
