I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
