Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
