hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
