You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I supernannyed him into submission
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
