i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
