After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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