you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
