Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
