I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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