Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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