dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
