Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
