peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
