Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
