Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
