Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
