you traded sex for a burrito?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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