Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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