Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
