i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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