News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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