I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
