yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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