So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
