My cat gives me a boner
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
