i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
