This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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