Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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