batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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