He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
