THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
