Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
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Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
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I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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