Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
