turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
