Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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