last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
